Relationships – finding that ‘perfect’ partner, falling in love, having a wonderful life with that special someone. Many of us long to be in that ‘happily ever after’ space. It can be those who are still single and seeking and even those who are already with someone or married.
I don’t believe that humans are built to be monogamous, we need to embrace this fact, maybe swans are, as they are most probably more evolved than us humans. We need to understand that being in a relationship requires hard work, sometimes lots of it and not some ill begotten BS called falling in love. (The 1st most difficult role for those who are wondering is that of parent).
When we are in a relationship (here the article is on when 2 people come together), it requires the coming together of 2 people who may or may not be on the same page and it requires constant work, working together and yet not losing that part of one’s individual growth. It is not about someone needing to understand you, that is your job, it is not to stop your growth as an individual then it will cause stagnation and it is most definitely not to change someone or think you can change someone. We can always inspire our partners to change but a relationship does not give us a free ticket to allow you to change someone.
We are a creation of evolution, change is constant – our needs, our wants, our thoughts nearly everything about us changes, If you as a person are evolving, your relationship with your partner needs to evolve as well. To then top it off, not only should there be the work done on the relationship but you as the individual also needs to grow.
Sounds simple when we write it down but it is a hard balance because we are finding who we are as we are evolving. You at 16 and you at 32 may not be the same person and if your sweetheart who you met at 16 is still acting as a 16 year old, there will be a clash.
We are programmed to believe that being in love carries so much romance, beautiful moments etc. and it can if you and your partner are willing to put in the work. It has to be a two way street for if only one partner does that, in time that partner will feel the imbalance.
So, before you run off wanting a relationship, keep in mind that there is a big difference when you say you are in love as this is only an overload of a chemical reaction in the body (it can last for 6-18 months) then normalcy steps in and then the work starts. It requires you to understand you and not your partner to understand you. It requires two people to meet in a space of comfort when we are accepting of each other, the good, bad, ugly and the plain pain in the bum bum thing called habits.
In the long run as physical body ages, having someone around does feel secure, it is nice to have that someone or we then produce children with the hope that they will be there in case of emergency. This is again not a given but just a hope.
Relationships can be beautiful but can get monotonous very quickly, most people then think the best solution is to have kids. It doesn’t matters if you have kids cause your monotony is based on your relationship as partner, this can be balance by remembering your individual growth.
So, keep in mind that humans are not automatically monogamous, well I for one do not think so (a personal opinion), it is not something in-built in us and it is something we need to implement. If you do not know yourself, monogamy will be an issue in your relationship.
For the singles, yes it can get lonely but why not focus on your individuality for now.
Take care everyone. Be kind to yourself and to others.
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